When your mind wants to bolt,
But your heart hangs on,
It’s because you don’t know
(with absolute certainty )what the truth is.
When you waste so much time
On something that you want to believe is true,
You begin to overthink ….
Eventually, something obvious becomes twisted
into something absurd,
Which keeps us from believing a simpler answer.
Over time, you believe your own lies and fantasies
to shield yourself from hurt,
when following what is logical would have been the quickest way to healing.
It’s through your own self-imposed delusions
That you lose your perspective.
The world then becomes different to you
When in fact you are different.
Why? Because your own ego gets in the way.
Everyone wants to feel special.
Everyone wants to have faith in others.
Everyone wants to believe in fairytales, happy endings
And have all bad interactions with others explained.
It is easier to sit in denial with your delusions
And pray God will intervene,
Not realizing he has.
He gave you commonsense and intuition,
But you didn’t like how it made you feel.
This is what true mental illness really is:
Following your gut instinct through hell
Because you want to prove you are right,
Either to yourself or others.
You sacrifice choosing to do right, in order to avoid pain.
However, you don’t realize that you have been in pain for a really long time
And believed this was how happiness felt.
(From Shannon Alder)